Daily Mail Mother Hating.

I read an extremely rude article (obviously a daily mail special) about how fashionable it is to be a selfish mother, drink a lot of gin and confess to the moments your mothering has been a little under par. I get it, I write openly about how hard parenthood can be and I want so desperately to remove the stigma that plagues us all with having to be the best at something that is so notoriously hard for many of us but we need to do this with a degree of restraint because glamourising dysfunctional behaviour can be very damaging. The ‘instamum’ fad is something that I follow because it’s somewhat interesting but it is far from my life, I often blog about the difficulties of every day life with a baby and child and all the washing and the bloody bottles and before that the problems I had with boob feeding but it is all required to raise my little humans. I laugh at the size of my butt and the hangover I may have once a year when I dare to make that trip back into normality, BUT to me and many other mums it is not normality! I cannot afford to drink fancy gin infused with the flowers from a Beatrix Potter like garden, I cannot afford the beautiful shoes and all the fancy clothes, I cannot afford to resume my previous job and benefit from some of the freedom that may allow. I am not bitter, I have two gorgeous children and the last thing I want to do is be judgemental but what we should do is take the things we see with a pinch of salt because these mumma’s with the thousands of followers on social media may not be portraying the reality of their life (barely anyone does these days) and in allowing others to see what makes them popular as the norm of their life may lead to the imitation of this and it could become dangerous. Let’s face it all that gin they apparently consume may be a lie, and if it isn’t they may have a really good support network of people that help them out with their busy social life.
Essentially what I am trying to say in the most nonjudgmental way possible is that for the vast majority of us parents we cannot simply (and I do not believe we should either) slip children into our lives, we need to adapt and change to what they need. It is hard to retain your original identity when you have children, and I am not saying that you will never get it back or that at times it is not okay for it to make a comeback whilst you are at the bar drinking shots but that is not the reality your children need as a common occurrence. Children need to come first, that’s right I have to take a back seat with my own needs and wants to fulfil what I want for my children. I choose to populate, I need to ensure that I do it to my best abilities.
I also am suffering from postnatal depression and anxiety and whilst I do my best at as mum I can sometimes see the lifestyles of others who are more confident, outgoing and relaxed mothers and want a slice of that, I know my limitations and I cannot afford myself to slip into the bad habits of lazy parenting because it would be so detrimental for me. Remove the stigma of accepting that some days are a little shit, some weeks, some months even, do not glamorise the notion of being a mother that doesn’t care (not saying that they don’t) is okay. You get me?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4508726/Why-women-boasting-slummy-mummies.html

 

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Hitting The Town In 5 Easy Steps.

There are many perils to consider; I mean is the freedom truly worth the hideous repercussions that you will face in the morning (which to be honest are often even worse than you thought) and if you believe that hangovers get worse the older you are that is nothing compared to what they have the capacity to do to parents. It is not only the fear of the next day you have to conquer but the acceptance that this is a night that you are likely to get even less sleep than normal, you will have to make peace with the impending sleep deprivation and the inclusion of the ‘adult headache’ so that is stage one. Stage two is getting dressed, it is very feasible that this will bring you to tears, because what do people actually wear when they go out these days? Not only is it safe to say that the vast majority of shops no longer accommodate for the size of my arse and the width of my hips I am far from ready to don the very fashionable crop tops they seem so eager to flog me, so whilst I breakdown in front of very limited wardrobe I will inevitably have my first drink. Stage three is actually leaving the house without the pram; never have my arms felt so redundant. Going out at night is super weird when you haven’t done it for the best part of 18 months, it is cold and dark and really the time when you should be in bed waiting for the party that is going to wake up everyone in your house at around 2am but hell you have done it now, congratulations! Stage four is probably the worse stage; you are no longer comfortable with being out, it happened so quickly but all of a sudden you are faced with the prospect of drinking and dancing and your first sip has already rendered you tipsy and you have no idea how to even move to the music that is being played. If you did not realise it before now; having a baby ages you, it is a mixture of the shit sleep, the lack of interaction you have following the birth of an all consuming monster and right now it is evident, you did not realise that it is fashionable to wear see-through clothes with sequinned bras, trousers with more holes in them than a golf course and that pubs appear to now be letting in twelve year olds. It is all very difficult but the vodka is making it easier and before you know it you are on the dance floor trying to perform the ‘big fish/little fish’ dance moves in rhythm to the beat of every song (that ultimately all sound the same) they are playing. Stage five, trying to get home, if you thought that getting out your house was hard you will be shocked about how difficult it is now to get back there, not only are you drunk and slow but you are hungry, really really hungry and the only thing better than a regular hangover is one that is flavoured with the reminisce of the previous nights kebab. If you are lucky enough to not have lost your keys you will still have a terrible time trying to get them in the keyhole before you struggle to try and undo the damage of all the noise you have already made by sneaking up the stairs. You may have mastered how to avoid ever single creak that is made on the journey up the stairs but that training has all been lost whilst inebriated but if you manage to get up them without waking the baby there is no way that your partner won’t be up and waiting, especially if like me you had reassured them it wouldn’t be a late night and actually it is now early morning.

But oh my gosh would I do it all again? Of course, I just may need another 6 months to recover from this one.

Thursday Ramblings

So this has been playing on my mind for a while but I have yet to decide how best to discuss it, I like people, I do not care about skin colour, sexuality, gender, religion etc. As long as you are a good person I like you. So with that in mind I am not sure why I was angry to see a Transgender model on the new H&M advert? I felt like this was exploitation and then I considered why it could be seen that way.

My mother told me that there is not a part of society that has not been exploited by the fashion industry. And I think I’m offended by all of it? Super skinny models setting unrealistic and unreasonable beauty standards, plus size models that you could argue maybe popularises an unhealthy lifestyle, transgender models being used to suddenly show the liberal minds of the company who had previously been uninterested in this demographic. I don’t know how this could be rectified.

Being that I wanted to start blogging I decided to follow some mum blogs on Instagram and I found that they also set the bar unrealistically high. They often share the pictures of their outfits that as a whole would swallow my maternity pay for the month. It feels like false advertising. @dresslikeamum is the worst, I do believe that maybe it is a blog that allows mothers to see that the freedom of styling themselves should be the same regardless of whether you are a mum but actually it’s not a common depiction of a mother. I don’t understand why we are all trying to advertise our lifestyles? We are walking adverts and unless we feel like someone wants to buy into what we have we can end up feeling pretty low. It’s sad really and to be frank I’m no different just on a smaller more humble budget. So in conclusion can I really feel terrible about the H&M advert?

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Nip Slipping. 

I didn’t want to write a post so soon about being a mother because hey that’s all I talk about having had a new one just over three months ago, but it’s a massively important part of my life that has effected every aspect inclusive of how I dress. I do not wish to go on about the changes in size that every mum faces during postpartum as that goes with territory and although it can be a difficult time I’ve dealt with this before when I had my wonderful daughter, what is new these days is breastfeeding. Before having George I never put my clothes through the scrutiny I do now and my first thought is ‘can I pop a boob in this?’ I must admit after 3 months of trying to do it discreetly in this heat I just cannot comfortably juggle a frantically moving baby, a bra with with clippy boob fasteners, and trying to keep a muslin over a boob and a baby. I didn’t read a lot when I was pregnant about what to expect and to be completely honest I did not think that I would actually be a breastfeeding mother but no one tells you after not only having months of wearing purely what makes you comfortable you will have to adjust your wardrobe furthermore. 

I love feeding my boy and the clothing is a small issue when you consider the benefits and bond that I have with my George but by gosh no one told me about this! I think there are many things that can help you stay a happy mummy and comfortability is one of these, I want to feel like a women not a lump and high street fashion or affordable fashion does not help the breast feeding women. I do need to factor in what makes me confident to feed in may not be the same for other mothers, for example I have never enjoyed the T-shirt vest underneath combo. 
Anyway this is not what I want to go into too deeply I just want to share some of the knowledge I have gained through my many style related breastfeeding struggles so her goes:

My new obsession with shirts:

As you can see patterns feature very heavily with me, I hope it draws the eyes away from my nipple, no really patterns are kind of my thing. Well shirts mean easy access, there are tons of them in charity shops, and I can buy them in massive sizes that help give me some space and keeps me cool in this heat. 



A good dress:

Now this is the same as the shirt, buttons are a wonderful thing that we have been blessed with as mere mortals and I have to say that even though it is harder to find something that will do up over my boobs and still fits the waist it is possible. Any dress that is stretchy around the chest helps, wrap dresses are also great. Now I know I keep harping on about charity shops but a lot of the older dresses and vintage prices you can pick up have a classic fit for maybe a curvier figure I find, I could simply be lucky I guess. 


Skirts:


Don’t worry my boobs are not that low I can slip them out my skirt but I like to feel fashionable and I find vest tops which are good for a nip slip so I like to dress then up with skirts, it makes the vest more bearable. 

Cardigans:

Again it’s a simple touch to a vest that can make you feel a little more stylish! Plus you can wear it backwards for some privacy when you need it. 
GET A NURSING BRA. I PROMISE THE EXPENSE (yes another one) IS WORTH IT. 

Now for those of you with your beautiful nipples intact feel free to share this with others who may be considering breastfeeding. Feeding a baby is daunting, it can be hard and painful at times, this blog will not change that but being comfortable is something that we should all benefit from!!