Daily Mail Mother Hating.

I read an extremely rude article (obviously a daily mail special) about how fashionable it is to be a selfish mother, drink a lot of gin and confess to the moments your mothering has been a little under par. I get it, I write openly about how hard parenthood can be and I want so desperately to remove the stigma that plagues us all with having to be the best at something that is so notoriously hard for many of us but we need to do this with a degree of restraint because glamourising dysfunctional behaviour can be very damaging. The ‘instamum’ fad is something that I follow because it’s somewhat interesting but it is far from my life, I often blog about the difficulties of every day life with a baby and child and all the washing and the bloody bottles and before that the problems I had with boob feeding but it is all required to raise my little humans. I laugh at the size of my butt and the hangover I may have once a year when I dare to make that trip back into normality, BUT to me and many other mums it is not normality! I cannot afford to drink fancy gin infused with the flowers from a Beatrix Potter like garden, I cannot afford the beautiful shoes and all the fancy clothes, I cannot afford to resume my previous job and benefit from some of the freedom that may allow. I am not bitter, I have two gorgeous children and the last thing I want to do is be judgemental but what we should do is take the things we see with a pinch of salt because these mumma’s with the thousands of followers on social media may not be portraying the reality of their life (barely anyone does these days) and in allowing others to see what makes them popular as the norm of their life may lead to the imitation of this and it could become dangerous. Let’s face it all that gin they apparently consume may be a lie, and if it isn’t they may have a really good support network of people that help them out with their busy social life.
Essentially what I am trying to say in the most nonjudgmental way possible is that for the vast majority of us parents we cannot simply (and I do not believe we should either) slip children into our lives, we need to adapt and change to what they need. It is hard to retain your original identity when you have children, and I am not saying that you will never get it back or that at times it is not okay for it to make a comeback whilst you are at the bar drinking shots but that is not the reality your children need as a common occurrence. Children need to come first, that’s right I have to take a back seat with my own needs and wants to fulfil what I want for my children. I choose to populate, I need to ensure that I do it to my best abilities.
I also am suffering from postnatal depression and anxiety and whilst I do my best at as mum I can sometimes see the lifestyles of others who are more confident, outgoing and relaxed mothers and want a slice of that, I know my limitations and I cannot afford myself to slip into the bad habits of lazy parenting because it would be so detrimental for me. Remove the stigma of accepting that some days are a little shit, some weeks, some months even, do not glamorise the notion of being a mother that doesn’t care (not saying that they don’t) is okay. You get me?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4508726/Why-women-boasting-slummy-mummies.html

 

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Sharing

You would imagine a baby/toddler/child who is constantly demanding that they are entitled to half if not more of everything you have would get the concept of bloody sharing but hay it’s just not that easy. With the eyes (and later mouths) that scream ‘I want that food’, ‘I need the remote’ (regardless of the fact that they are indeed about to change their channel and then hissy fit about that shit) and the most parent humiliating ‘give me that toy before I end you’. Nope. Nope. Nope again. Sharing is the super hard thing that not only teaches the child a valuable life lesson I would hazard a guess shortens a parents life by approximately 5 years, it can be utterly gruelling and you may find yourself saying the same sentence more times than you thought possible. The other real fucker about this sharing malarkey is that, of course with every other achievement, it comes at different times for all children! It is hard to find the tactics that work and sometimes it’s a case that they get there eventually after a painstaking play date where you nearly drop kicked little Sally. Another thing, when do the little grabbers even have the require capacity to learn this important social skill? Socialising with your tiny human can indeed be traumatic, I find I worry a lot less about the other children participating than I do mine which I watch like a hawk to make sure they are sharing but with that there is always the secret judgement of ‘that parent doesn’t care that their little boy has jumped the queue to the slide 15 times’ thought in the back of your mind. Now this is where we need to be giving that parent a break because who knows what sort of parenting shit they need a break from, we all do it, we all let these things slip and the benefit of the doubt goes a long way. However repeat offenders will be hung for their sins (just kidding). I guess I’m asking for patience for those still teaching the value of sharing and a little bit of slack.

The Lies We Tell. 

I recently spoke to a work colleague about social media and how they personally did not tend to post anything because they didn’t have anything that they considered as interesting to anybody else going on. They didn’t have children. With this conversation it hit me that not only do I post up a huge amount of pictures of my children but I also make it not only seem like my life is interesting but that it’s some sort of fairytale happy. Don’t get me wrong I am happy, I have a loving partner, two wonderful children,a giant  chocolate Labrador and a very fat ginger cat, but in the same day I can have a partner that drives me round the twist, two children that push me to my breaking point, a dog that poops in the dinning room and a cat that won’t come in when called, but I rarely post about that. The reality of our lives is much different to what we let other people see and when they do see what’s really happening it can be viewed as embarrassing, like I’m about to get embarrassed that I sometimes fantasise about killing my boyfriend. Here are some of the things you didn’t see:


George got into a right state putting on his sleep suit, I nearly cried and Millie refused to get out of the bath because she’d get cold, instead she stayed in it sobbing whilst I tried to explain I needed her to get the fuck out. I screamed, everyone cried. 


Millie refused to drink her hot chocolate and only wanted mine, I refused to eat the cake I’d been bought and we all got really stressed at each other and I shouted in Costa. I did not say thank you. 


I received flowers from Jess after he was a dick, I posted a picture of them with emoji hearts, still did not forgive him and continued to be a bitch. 


I’d been bought a Yankee Candle Advent calendar, I was really disappointed and rude because it wasn’t bought ready for December 1st and I wanted chocolate. 


I had been dreading Halloween all week and didn’t want to go trick or treating in the cold, I was very annoyed. 


Possibly my all time favourite lie. We walked devils chimney and I hated every sing step, I moaned because it was too hot, I was too fat, the baby was too heavy, my legs were chaffing. 

So I am happy, I am in love, I am at times a big fat lie teller. 

Peace out.