Other people’s Children 

I hate children, with the exception of my own, the children of friends, and of course the ones I am related to, and for years I thought I was a monster for avoiding them at the park, kid’s parties and of course the dreaded soft play venues. If you are also feeling like a cold hearted bitch like me fear not for I have spent much time rationalising this and it’s all to do with boundaries or indeed the lack there of. Let me break it down for you:

The horrible kid: is actually not a bad kid we as other parents just don’t know how to deal with them, let’s face it all children go through the stages of not wanting to share, biting and downright difficult shit mode, we have all been there. The difference is I wouldn’t in my wildest dreams tell another child off, it’s not my place. 

Assumed responsibility: a child falls over in a park we all rush to check they are okay, or maybe every other adult there is looking at their shoes (I have found this especially true of men) and suddenly you (and rightly so) have to comfort this child and return them to their parents. So there is also a chance this kid is bleeding and doesn’t want to tell you where their parents are so you are attempting to persuade a child that has probably learnt ‘strange danger’ to come with you. 

Food thieves: there is nothing that attracts the unwanted attention of little sods like the opening of a food wrapper but you can’t just feed other people’s sods because they may have crazy dietary requirements that you haven’t even heard of. Even if the child is allergy free it’s still not okay. 

The crippling fear: my fear is not merely reserved for children but also parents too, even though I have risked the outside world I am not always ready to talk to another person let alone another mumma. Parents can be the worst people to talk to, the likelihood is they have yet to speak to anyone for the last god knows how long and there can be an air of desperation around us all. It is worth talking to them or you end up a hermit like me who actually really needs friends. 

Kids are disgusting: it’s true! Don’t judge me, unless you are running around after them wiping their noses, checking for poop, and stopping them from licking everything it’s likely that’s they are snot covered, shit smelling, little dribblers. It’s okay mine have been/will be the same.

Just a snippet from a book I’m complying titled ‘The Practical Guide To Why There Is No Practical Guide To Parenting’. 

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