Recently I have read a lot of articles defending a women’s rights not to have children and reinforcing the notion that the mindset they have will not change. It came as a surprise to myself when I realised I wanted more children as when I fell pregnant with my daughter Millie I was terrified that I would fuck it up, I had from the day she was born sworn myself off any further reproduction but I changed my mind when I became more and more comfortable with my ability to raise a child. HOWEVER not everybody changes their minds, and I feel an appreciation for their honesty but why are they still finding the need to defend this?
Why in such a modern society are there still reasons to concern ourselves with the choices of others? I can only imagine that as mothers we maybe see a women’s choice not to join us in motherhood as a slur on what we are doing, I don’t believe that to be the case at all. I don’t believe it when someone rudely remarks ‘they’d change their mind if they found the right person’ either. Circumstances can affect a lot of the decisions that we make but they most certainly do not always impact a persons WANT to have children and some women do not want that regardless of restrictions we may labelling reasons for reluctance.
Also why are we looking at this as a women’s issue? If a man chooses to not want children we do not question this. I do not by any stretch of the imagination wish to cast aspersions to what the reasons that may lead to someone not wanting children because the reasoning is not mine to assume and ultimately it belongs to the person that feels them.
Motherhood is not a gang, and we do not need to consider those not wanting to share what we have as an oddity. It is not another women looking at my vomit stained clothes, my dirty hair, the look of sheer exhaustion on my face, and my partner looking like he is dating a swamp monster (whilst his clothes remain clean, he is always showered, and sleeps like a baby!) and thinking wow I don’t want to be her. Well maybe that could be a factor but it’s not a rude thing, they aren’t judging me and thinking less of my choices so why are other women thinking less of theirs?
I have no answers. Just food for thought.